thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
