Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
