Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Is her dick bigger than yours?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
