I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
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As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
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The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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