i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
