So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Every concussion has its silver lining
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
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