Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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