so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
