she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Farmville is her only friend.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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