idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
how drunk are you?
Several
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
