I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
