The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
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We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
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after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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