I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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