Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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