I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Randomize
