who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
