hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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