you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
