highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
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It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
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We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
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