We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
