Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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