At least make sure they are 18
Why
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I deserve this hangover.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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