I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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