but the lizard people decide everything anyway
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
