I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
