Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
