Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
