I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.