she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome