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You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
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