i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS