I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize