Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
