Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
