yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real