I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
