Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
it was like eating out sand paper
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
