he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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