She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
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its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
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my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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