i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
