I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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