So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
