Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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