Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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