You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
