shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
