Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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