Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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