I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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