i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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