remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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