Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize