Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize