when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
