The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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