they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
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yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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