I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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