we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
