hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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