just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
