I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Randomize
