Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
