Tell her she can't have a vagina
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
