your parents love me but you hate me
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
