I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
